Mostofusaretaughttopayattentiontowhatissaid—thewords.Wordsdoprovideuswithsomeinformation,butmeaningsarederivedfromsomanyothersourcesthatitwouldhinderoureffectivenessasapartnertoarelationshiptorelytooheavilyonwordsalone.Wordsareusedtodescribeonlyasmallpartofthemanyideasweassociatewithanygivenmessage.Sometimeswecangaininsightintosomeofthoseassociationsifwelistenformorethanwords.Wedon’talwayssaywhatwemeanormeanwhatwesay.Sometimesourwordsdon’tmeananythingexcept“I’mlettingoffsomesteam.Idon’treallywantyoutopaycloseattentiontowhatI’msaying.JustpayattentiontowhatI’mfeeling.”Mostlywemeanseveralthingsatonce.Apersonwantingtopurchaseahousesaystothecurrentowner,“ThisstephastobefixedbeforeI’llbuy.”Theownersays,“It’sbeenlikethatforyears.”Actually,thestephasn’tbeenlikethatforyears,buttheunspokenmessageis:“Idon’twanttofixit.Weputupwithit.Whycan’tyou?”Thesearchforamoreexpansiveviewofmeaningcanbedevelopedofexaminingamessageintermsofwhosaidit,whenitoccurred,therelatedconditionsorsituation,andhowitwassaid.
Whenamessageoccurscanalsorevealassociatedmeaning.Letusassumetwocouplesdoexactlythesameamountofkissingandarguing.Butonecouplealwayskissesafteranargumentandtheothercouplealwaysarguesafterakiss.Theorderingofthebehaviorsmaymeanagreatdealmorethanthefrequencyofthebehavior.Afriend’sunusuallydocilebehaviormayonlybeunderstoodbynotingthatitwasprecededbysituationsthatrequiredanabnormalamountofassertiveness.Someresponsesmaybedirectlylinkedtoadevelopingpatternofresponsesanddefylogic.Forexample,apersonwhosays“No!”toaserialsofchargeslike“You’redumb,”“You’relazy,”and“You’redishonest,”mayalsosay“No!”andtrytojustifyhisorherresponseifthenextstatementis“Andyou’regoodlooking.”
Wewoulddowelltolistenforhowmessagesarepresented.Thewords,“Ifsurehasbeennicetohaveyouover,”canbesaidwithemphasisandexcitementorritualistically.Thephrasecanbesaidonceorrepeatedseveraltimes.Andthemeaningsweassociatewiththephrasewillchangeaccordingly.Sometimesifwesaysomethinginfrequentlyitassumesmoreimportance;sometimesthemorewesaysomethingthelessimportanceitassumes.
1.Effectivecommunicationisrenderedpossiblebetweentwoconversingpartners,if___.
A.theyuseproperwordstocarrytheirideas.
B.theybothspeaktrulyoftheirownfeelings.
C.theytrytounderstandeachother’sideasbeyondwords.
D.theyarecapableofassociatingmeaningwiththeirwords.
2.“I’mlettingoffsomesteam”inparagraph1means___.
A.I’mjustcallingyourattention.
B.I’mjustkidding.
C.I’mjustsayingtheopposite.
D.I’mjustgivingoffsomesound.
3.Thehouse-owner’sexampleshowsthatheactuallymeans___.
A.thestephasbeenlikethatforyears.
B.hedoesn’tthinkitnecessarytofixthestep.
C.theconditionofthestepisonlyaminorfault.
D.thecostinvolvedinthefixingshouldbeshared.
4.Someresponsesandbehaviorsmayappearveryillogical,butarejustifiableif___.
A.linkedtoanabnormalamountofassertiveness.
B.seenasone’shabitualpatternofbehavior.
C.takenaspartofanorderingsequence.
D.expressedtoaseriesofcharges.
5.Theword“ritualistically”inthelastparagraphequalssomethingdone___.
A.withouttrueintention.
B.light-heartedly.
C.inawayofceremony.
D.withlessemphasis.